Registered: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 73

Ulysses777 then hands PhoenixBlade a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster...

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Rimmer: Step up to red alert!
Kryten: Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb!

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Registered: Aug 2000
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Somebody's been reading A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy lately. *cough* Ulycees *cough*.

Oh yeah! I should remind Phoenix that Lazarus was already quite dead, it was merely his pitiful excuse for a soul randomly possessing things and trying to harass the patrons.

Just note people to read recent events involving people before choosing their method of demise. I believe that it's basically Shadow, Sirius, myself, and possibly Phoenix--as time progresses--dictating the events here.

As far as I'm concerned though, if you don't bug me, I won't slaughter your body and turn your soul into a willing Shade. Well.... Except for Lazarus, whom I'm just tormenting for fun.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 73

quote:

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Originally posted by R128 BlueFlames:
Somebody's been reading A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy lately. *cough* Ulycees *cough*.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 41

The soul of Lazarus desperately tries to run from Blueflames, and trips over the bar in the process.

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First thou shalt take out the holy pin, then thou shalt count to three, no more, no less. Three thou shalt count and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four thou shalt not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thous't then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once thou hast counted to three, being the third number be reached, then lobbest thou thine Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, at thine foe, who, being naughty in mine sight, shall snuff it.

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Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 253

Shadow: Okay Dravin, I you say so. First I need to bring you to my realm. (my realm not the one I got because I'm part of the NHotA)

Dravin: Okay. Then let's go.

Shadow: Wait, first you need to be possesed by one of my darknesses, if not once you enter my realm well.. heh you don't wanna know.

Dravin: Okay. Will it hurt?

Shadow: Dunno never got possesed.

*Shadow summons a darkness who posseses Dravin*

*Dravin falls to the floor*

Shadow: There, I told him to be pasive so you can still control yourself. Did it hurt?

Dravin: Ahh, well. *cough* It was like the strongest, sharpest pain in the world, but it was only for 2 seconds. Thankfully.

Shadow: Okay good, let's go.

*Shadow dissipates into thin air*

Dravin: Uhh, Shadow, am I supposed to do that? And if so How?

*Shadow thinks to himself: Incompetent...*

*Dravin losses control of his body and dissipates into thin air and rejoins Shadow in his realm and regains control of his body*

Dravin: That felt tingly. Woah this place is awesome.

Shadow: Thanks, well let's get down to buisness, follow me.

*Shadow and Dravin walk up to a big pool of pitch black liquid*

Dravin: Woah.

Shadow: This might hurt a little.

Dravin: Crud.

Shadow: First I need some of your blood.

Dravin: Ahh crap, I hate seringes.

*Dravin gives Shadow his arm*

Shadow: Don't worry I don't have a seringe.

Dravin: What!?!

*Shadow takes his Blade and slits Dravins wrist*

Dravin: Ahhhhhhh.

*Shadow also slits his wrist*

*Shadow hold Dravins wrist over the pool and let's the blood drip... Uhhh poor in, aswell as his*

Dravin: I'm feeling woosy.

Shadow: Thats's good, It'll dull the pain. Here swallow this.

*Shadow hands Dravin a diamond*

Dravin: Wha?

Shadow: Swallow it.

*Dravin swallows the diamond*

*The pool suddently lights on fire*

Dravin: I'm seeing blurry, man.

Shadow: Don't worry almost done.

*The darkness that was in Dravin exits while Shadow posseses Dravin*

*Dravin jumps into the flaming pool of pitch black liquid*

*After some tossing in the Black liquid Shadow exits dravin*

*Dravin screams as the black liquid does it's stuff to him*

*After about 20 seconds the pool calms and Dravin slowly arises*

Shadow: There how do you feel?

Dravin: I'm still woosy.

Shadow: It'll wear off, now for your fist mission, just Kill Ulysses777.

Dravin: Okay. Uhhh, how do I dissipate back to the bar.

Shadow: Hmmm, here I'll assign a darkness to teach you.

*Shadow summons a Darkness*

George the darkness: You have to concentrate

*Shadow goes back to the Bar and chips another piece out of his drink.*

[This message has been edited by Shadow (edited 09-15-2000).]

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*Phoenix laughs at Lazarus' feeble attempt to run from BlueFlames, still not believing that, beyond being Lord of Destruction , he might actually dictate something.*

*He leisurely looks out the window and notices a group of Hooligans, after their side lost in a football (soccer) match, making their way to the bar.*

*They go in and pick up chairs, pushing the patrons aside and trying to destroy the bar.*

*Upon seeing this, Phoenix grabs a Chicken (!!!) from behind the bar and points it at the hooligans.*

PhoenixBlade: No one destroys this bar but ME !

Ralph the Hooligan: Look out! He's got a chicken!

PhoenixBlade: And I'm not afraid to use it!

*Phoenix grabs the Chicken's neck with his right, black leather gloved hand and holds the Chicken's Exit Port aimed at the Hooligans, ready to shoot it.*

*Fortunately, the Hooligans settle down and order some drinks.*

*Phoenix puts down the Chicken and pours the drinks on Bovine Skulls , handling them over to the hooligans.*

PhoenixBlade: I hope you have enough change for tips.

*The Hooligans look at each other, confused.*

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You know Phoenix.... You're right.... I don't dictate much around here.....

::Pulls the Blade of Dementia out of my right leg, where it was hidden beneath my flesh.::

I think this is a real convincer around here.

::Jams the blade into one of the hill-giant's bones and digs out a heaping glob of marrow. I then proceed to have a bit of a meal.::

::Shafts the blade back into my leg.::

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*Everyone suddenly looks up as the door flies open and HeX walks in dressed in colorful clothes with a flower garland around his neck and dark sunglasses*

HeX: Whoo!!! What a trip! I told you that Anti-Lunacy stuff doesn't do what it's suppoesed to. At least I didn't fly towards the arctic like the last time.

*HeX looks around and nods approvingly*

HeX: Phoenix you've done a wonderful job keeping the bar semi-intact. Hey...who broke some of my chairs?

*Everyone points at the hoolagins. HeX glares at one of them who's skeleton suddenly explodes leaving him in a heap on the ground. The pile of flesh then forms into a ball which HeX boots out the door sending it sailing into the sky where it explodes*

HeX: He got it easy. The rest of you however...HEY SEONA! ONE OF THESE GUYS SAID YOUR TAIL MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A RAT!

*Seona turns around nearly decapitating several people with her tail. She begins cursing and storms towards the hoolagins now screaming in fear. Amid the sounds of tearing flesh and breaking bone HeX walks up the bar*

HeX: One Puree of Diamond in Nightshade Phoenix. All this travel makes me thirsty.

------------------
Founder and Designer of:
)( N Y X F A L L )(
"Mankind just got an eviction notice"

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* DarkHorse proceeds to get out from under a table.

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*PhoenixBlade pulls out his new cocktail from under table and nudges it towards HeX*

Phoenix: Try this out. I made this while you were away.

*HeX sips the glass and turns green, red and blue at the same time. His eyes jump out of his head and start to dance the tango while the rest of his body turn like jello.*

*After five minutes, HeX turns to normal.*

Phoenix: So, how was it?

HeX: Refreshing... Could be stronger, though. What do you call it?

*PhoenixBlade thinks about it for a moment.*

Phoenix: Spoils Of War .

HeX: Sounds good to me. Go with it. Put it in the menu.

Phoenix: As thou whishest.

*You pick up the menu and notice that a part under 'Mild Beverages' that was once blank, now contains a new drink, Spoils Of War .*

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::Takes a look at HeX and PhoenixBlade.::

Just a guess, but did either of you drink molten iron or magma as a child? Either way, I bet the resulting constipation is a bitch....

::Pulls the Blade of Dementia and slices open another hill-giant bone.::

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*HeX looks up from his drink at Blueflame*

HeX: Nah, quick drying cement mostly. Gives new meaning to the term '****ting bricks'. That and a touch of liquid glass on weekends

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Founder and Designer of:
)( N Y X F A L L )(
"Mankind just got an eviction notice"



[This message has been edited by HeX (edited 09-16-2000).]

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"Damn, HeX, you look weird."

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*Phoenix takes out the dirtiest rag you ever seen and starts to wipe the bar with it. An eyeball rolls from the rag but Phoenix quickly catches it and pops it into his mouth.*

PhoenixBlade: Nah, I only went for the stronger stuff, BlueFlames: pure milk.

*A crunching sound comes from Phoenix's mouth but he doesn't seem to be bothered by it.*

PhoenixBlade: It's contraband now, though.

*Phoenix puts the rag away and places an extra dish of cashews on the bar.*

[This message has been edited by PhoenixBlade (edited 09-17-2000).]

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*HeX gives Seona and Scythe more drinks and stops to think*

HeX: Ya know...we need music in here.

*HeX grabs a beetle from the table and throws it at the ceiling. The beetle expands into a portal and 6 minions fall out with instruments*

Minions: What the...?

HeX: Start playing. Something upbeat

Minion 1: But I don't know how to....

*Seona grabs the minion, applies several tiny cuts to his arms, legs and torso then dips him in a salt/lemon/alcohol/iodine combination. After he blacks out she revives him and sets him on fire. When his skin is burt to a crisp she resumes dunking him. She then tosses him to HeX who warps him into a knot. Scythe drives him insane with Dizney Muzak and Phoenix decapitates him and stuffs live gophers down his neck. Finally Shadow possesses him and causes him to reapply all the injuries Seona finished.*

HeX: Any other complaints?

*The other minions start playing to the beat of the first minion's screams*

HeX: They play well scared don't they?

------------------
Founder and Designer of:
)( N Y X F A L L )(
"Mankind just got an eviction notice"

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: North Pole, Alaska, USA
Posts: 176

*Dravin pops into exsitance right next to Ulysses, he then shadowfies(?) his hand and reaches into the poor victims skull, with a twist of his arm and a sickening squeach, blood poor from Ulysses ears, and a few seconds after that he falls to the floor with a dull thud.*

Dravin: Thirsty work. Bartender, a 'Rotten Dwarf' with an eyeball if you please.

*plucks out Ulysses' eyeball, and tosses it to the bartender, afterwich he sits down apon the now vacant stool.*

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"Where ever you go, there you are!" - Said by *someone*

[This message has been edited by Dravin (edited 09-17-2000).]

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Hey Lazarus! Darvin here needs a rotten dwarf, and you're the closest thing available!

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Location: Manchester, UK
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Lazarus turns and looks at Blueflames with contempt dripping of his face, before conjuring up a Rotten Dwarf from thin air and handing it to Dravin...

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First thou shalt take out the holy pin, then thou shalt count to three, no more, no less. Three thou shalt count and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four thou shalt not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thous't then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once thou hast counted to three, being the third number be reached, then lobbest thou thine Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, at thine foe, who, being naughty in mine sight, shall snuff it.

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*takes the drink and chugs it down without batting an eyelid.*

Dravin: Damn! supernatural powers take the bite out of almost anything.

*and to demonstrate his point, grabs a lemon off the top of the bar, and eats it with out puckering.*

Dravin: See, oh and thanks Laz.

*Conjures up a can of Spam(tm) and gives it to Laz.*

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"Where ever you go, there you are!" - Said by *someone*

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: GTD Iron Fist, Regulus system, GTVA
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*The door to the bar, clearly labelled 'push' on the outside, starts rattling as someone pulls on it. The other patrons turn to look at it, then it stops rattling and is followed by a stream of creative profanity by someone on the other side of the door...then the door opens and a person of average height in a black cloak walks up to bar*

Ice Heart: ******* aixelyd !skcus

*quizzical looks from other patrons*

Ice Heart: *********! I hate it when that happens...I said 'dyslexia sucks'. Here, let me activate my translator.

*presses button*

Ice Heart: ?retteb taht sI *slams translator on bar* There, now it works.

*turns to PhoenixBlade*

Ice Heart: Hmm...since I'm too lazy to think up a good drink name, just listen closely. Put in vodka, caffeine, more caffeine, a little cyanide, some arsenic, a bit of liquid nitrogen, space crack, a bit of jet fuel, and alot of rubbing alcohol. That should do it.

*takes drink, guzzles it down, then promptly dies*

Ice Heart: Ah, thats much better...living can be such a pain in the arse, its good to get away every now and then.

*looks around the room, noting the corpses scattered everywhere*

Ice Heart: This place could use a bit of livening up.

*removes dagger from beneath cloke and commences carving strange symbols on his own body while chanting in some other language, then proceeds to scrawl Satanic symbols on the floor with his own blood...slowly, some of the corpses begin to rise until most of them are up*

Ice Heart: Aw, we can't let the others miss out on the fun.

*more chanting and bizarre ritual, the skeletal remains of those too mangled to be normally reanimated get up and shamble about the room as well*

Ice Heart: Thats better, don't you think? Now, dance, drink, whatever...be merry!

*skeletons and corpses attempt to dance to the music of the minions, a few shamble over to the bar and order drinks, which proves to be quite amusing in the case of the skeletons*

PhoenixBlade: Okay, you've got your drink. Now wheres my tip?

Ice Heart: Tip? Oh, wait a second. *digs in pockets, places a fingertip on the bar*

PhoenixBlade: Very funny.

Ice Heart: Jeez, tough crowd. Here you go. *places several gold peices on bar*

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Ice Heart
[url="http://freespace.volitionwatch.com/triton"]Triton Dynamics Staff Member[/url]
[url="http://ross128.telefragged.com/IkeyaP/"]Ikeya Productions Staff Member[/url]
"I've always equated feelings with getting caught...they both get in the way of my money." Garrett
"The dumber they think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them." [url="http://www.newgrounds.com/assassin"]Assassin[/url]

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