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*HeX pops into the bar in sunglasses and wearing a bartending outfit*

HeX: Man was that fun! Ever heard what a minion sounds like when you use a blowtorch on his...WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!?

*HeX stares at the bar and it's babbling/rotting patrons. He gloweres and begins grumbling. HeX pushes one of the corpses off the bar and pours himself a drink. He downs it in one gulp, looks around the bar, looks at Shadow (still standing in the doorway), pours another drink and sighs*

HeX: I leave for 10 minutes and look. (downs drink) Oh well, could have been worse.

Tavern: Squeek!

HeX: Aw shut up.

[This message has been edited by HeX (edited 09-05-2000).]

Crackhead! I'm in my own private dimension with the attractive female members of the entourage, along with Styxx, who happened to tag along. We also have copious amounts of alchohol. Who do you think sent you that supply of UltraSpaceCrackâ„¢? Me, that's who!

Unfortunately....you appear to have gotten Styxx's Essence of SpaceCrackâ„¢. Not for use by the faint-hearted..not to mention the rest of us.....except Styxx. Anyway....I'd better fix my mistake.

>Shrike wraps the entire bar in an anti-entropic field, then shifts them back until it's just before the lethal spacecrack incident. He grabs the Essence of SpaceCrackâ„¢ and exchanges it for the real UltraSpaceCrackâ„¢.<

>Styxx smiles happily as he gets his special delivery of Essence of SpaceCrackâ„¢.<

>Shadow has the UltraSpaceCrackâ„¢ and falls over unconscious. No-one notices.<

>HeX appears, takes some, then for no apperent reason his head explodes.<

Uh oh...unanticipated side effect!

>HeX's head reforms, then speaks<

No, just my powers acting up...I have a cold<

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There's just no kick with a little beam.
VWBB Prophet
Mission Designer, [url="http://freespace.volitionwatch.com/bel"]Behind Enemy Lines[/url]

*The Cracked up soul of Dravin begins to emite a loud beeping sound, and then explodes, radiating everyone in the area.*

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"Where ever you go, there you are!" - Said by *someone*

* Styxx watches as Shrike reaches for the Bar dimension and grabs the Essence of Spacecrackâ„¢ÂÂ_. A wide smile forms on his face, as Shrike returns and closes the portal. *

Styxx: Alcohol, women and spacecrack. What else could a sentient being ask for?

* He prepares his intravenous dose of mixed Essence of Spacecrackâ„¢ and alcohol, injects it and - surprisingly - his smile becomes even wider. *

Styxx: Thanks, Shrikeeeee....hmhmhhmmmm....ahhhhhh....

* Styxx falls back, semi-conscious, as a full squad of half-naked women jumps over him... *

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And I shall wipe them off the face of the Earth, with the fury of God's own thunder...

[url="http://terra.sourceforge.net"]Visit the Machina Terra Website[/url] - You'll be glad you did.

*A shimmering-blue portal opens, and someone steps through...*

"All who oppose me, beware"

HeX: ACHOO! (head explodes and reforms) Man I hate colds.

Shrike: I wonder what happens when he coughs?

HeX: COUGH!

*Several patrons including the recently appeared keef explode into pieces and all the furniture becomes warped*

HeX: Ahem..aw nuts...*sniff!*...this cold is gonna be the end of me and everyone around me. Ugh...someone take over the bar...I need to go to bed. Shrike...send me some perscription spacecrack for colds. None of that over the counter stuff. *Snort*

*HeX pops back into his dimension through a portal and closes it with a sign hanging in mid air that reads "Evil Dictator Resting. Do not disturb."*

Heh... Leave this post alone for a couple weeks and not only will you die, but be revived too.

::Swipes one of Shrikes liquor bottles and downs a swig.::

*A random, nameless Neo-Horseman rides over to where I sit, attempting to get myself absolutely sloshed.*

Random NH: I don't like you very much. Prepare to die!

::I take a look at him and scratch my chin.::

Me: Been dead, done that. That's probably why this alcohol is so damned ineffective....

*The NH lifts an eyebrow and draws his blade.*

::An instant afterward, a pike appears in my hand and is thrust into the NH's horse's chest. Pulling it out to reveal the barely beating heart of the beast, it falls, throwing the rider. As he attempts to right himself, he finds his pitiful excuse for a brain skewered next to his horse's heart.::

Someone mind telling me what's so scary about these guys?

::As the horseman attempts to revive himself, I rip his soul from his body and turn it into a shade for use later.::

I can think of MUCH scarier things to have to fight.

::Fourty-two thousand Abishai portal in from Baator, and I take another swig out of the liquor bottle.::

Got anymore of this stuff Shrike?

*Shadow gets up and notices he's glowing*

Shadow: Woah cool I'm luminescent, must be the radiation. Anyways it's getting kinda crowded in here and who was the Imposter Neo-
Horseman?

*Shadow summons some of his darknesses who poses each abishai*

*The abishai take BlueFlames and bring him outside*

BlueFlames: Hey let go of me.

*The Abishai beat BlueFlames to a bloody pulp... several times then they feed him to a horse nearby and then they burn the horse*

*The abishai all jump into a blender and the tavern drinks up the juice*

Tavern: Squeeeeeek

Shadow: Much better

*Shadow takes a seat and drinks*

I'm tending AGAIN!

Jeez what a cosmic conspiracy...fine.

>Shrike opens a portal to his private dimension, herding the patrons through to the beach resort beyond<

Bar: Squeak!

Okay, you can come too.....

>The patrons get seated at the outdoor seats at 'Shrike's Spacecrack and Marguerita hut.' The attractively and scantily clad waitresses begin to circulate, taking drink orders.<

>Shrike polishes the bar, throwing pieces of cheese to the bar, where they are eaten.<

Poor bar......

Now, if I find that you are persecuting our (exceedingly) cute waitresses, it's bye-bye to the sunny beaches and warm water, and back to the hell-hole of a dimension we just came from. And if you have to summon any more abashai, they had better have ID and cash....

[This message has been edited by Shrike (edited 09-05-2000).]

*The bits that were formally keef collect together... And re-form...*

"That hurt!"

*keef then revives a couple of the corpses nearby, and creates a nice Fire Golem to keep everyone warm...*

*Dravin's soul (no in gaseous form) begins to fallow random patrons arond*

And it rasps, "Medic!"

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"Where ever you go, there you are!" - Said by *someone*

*The portal to the Chaos dimension pops open in the new location of the bar and a rock the size of a car flies out with a note taped to it. The rock lands on Dravin's sould who lets out a soft grunt*

Note: Hey everybody! The doc says my cold is getting better and ACHOO! POP! Ow...anyway I should be back to work the bar in a while. After all how much longer can I possible stay COUGH! POP! BLAM! AIEEE! SCRUNCH!...sick? Here from my private stash is a bottle of Minion Juice freshly squeezed. Enjoy!

*Just before the portal closes a little green creature runs out with a bottle and hands it to Shrike. The creature turns to run back in but a giant meat tenderizer appears through the portal and squishes him flat. The tenderizer retracts and the portal seals once again*

Shrike: Well that was strange

*The soul of Dravin(now with a dent in it) begins to moan, and groan, and a foul stench fills the air.*

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"Where ever you go, there you are!" - Said by *someone*

* Styxx, not giving a damn to the fights that happen around him, starts to recover from his Essence of SpaceCrackâ„¢ trip *

Styxx: Man, that was fun. And they said it couldn't get better...

* He watches as the bar is transported to the dimension he's in and looks at Shrike. *

Styxx: Why the hell did you bring them here? You know, they'll scare all the women!

Shrike: It looked like a good idea...

Styxx: Hmmm, wait - I know what to do.

* Styxx snaps his fingers and suddenly a structure similar to a large wrestling arena - filled with mud - appears. A few seconds later, a horde of half-naked women jumps in. *

Styxx: Now that's entertainment...

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And I shall wipe them off the face of the Earth, with the fury of God's own thunder...

[url="http://terra.sourceforge.net"]Visit the Machina Terra Website[/url] - You'll be glad you did.
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[This message has been edited by Styxx (edited 09-06-2000).]

*Artimus, who has gotten bored with what's left of his Timberwolf, appears in orbit in command of his personal Heavy Cruiser, the "FKS Bloodsmear." He points his ship at the planet, and targets the wanna-be bar. The ship opens up with all it's heave mass-drivers and Ion cannons. The resulting violent hell storm levels the "bar."*

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One foot is two feet minus one foot expressed in feet.

::I look at Shadow with a forlorn gaze, as he's obviously on some illegal drug. The Abishai are quite obviously standing their ground and not motioning toward me, nor will they attack their master.::

I'd condemn his soul again, but this is just too funny. Awww, what the hell, let's get back to the D&D basics!

::Summons forth a Green Dragon from one of those green, happy planes that I never visit.::

Bye Shadow.... See you when---

::WOOOOSH!::

So hard to train.... Abishai are so much more thoughtful to my giving of a speech, wouldn't you agree Shadow?

::Scoops up Shadow's ashes, mixes them with hydrochloric acid and chucks the bottle that the mixture is in into space.::

Even if he does come back, he'll have one heck of a burning sensation.

*Shadow hears a loud bang. He looks at it's origines only to see a big black crater where once stood a neiboring bar*

Shadow: What happened there?

Styxx: *Watching the women mud wrestl* Yeah you go do that.

Shadow: Okaaaay? What ever. Shrike one glass of citic acid please.

*The bar runs over and Shrike gives Shadow his drink*

*The bar notices a bottle of whiskey in the sand*

*The bar drinks the whiskey and gets drunk*

*keef goes white as he sees the ammount of gold he's lost this time he's died, then presses Escape...*

"Dammit, gotta get my body back!"

*keef goes through the shimmering-blue portal, emerging in the remians of the bar. He picks his corpse up, and re-equips himself... Feeling cold, he creates a Fire Golem, then proceeds to revive the corpses nearby.. again!*

"Now no-one die this time! Ok?!"



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[url="http://sublimation.telefragged.com"]Sublimation[/url]
[url="http://www.barchat.co.uk"]The Bar[/url]
PH33R!

* Sirius returns from the vacation which was mistaken for death, and proceeds to play with Bloodstones...

*the resurected Dravin looks around for a second time.*

"I'm King of the World!", and then continues, "I am invinseeble!"

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"Where ever you go, there you are!" - Said by *someone*